Phases.....

Seems like I just dont have the right things to talk about..Depression really squeezes out the most negative and hopeless feelings and thoughts out of u...Anybody might think I am having some kind of psychological problem...hehehe....Whatever it is my mindset has become like that ''cheesyyyyyy''...I feel like a prisoner...We live in a democratic country and we have a right to freedom .....What about freedom from emotions, boredom, relations? What about freedom to be u?I really dont understand why has it become so necessary for us to carry facades everywhere we go, be it on a personal level or formal...How much ever we deny the fact, we do at some point or the other exhibit a deceptive appearence either to please or to gain or to impress, whtever the reason...its so much against the character ethics but somehow it has become ingrained in our lives 'The False Appearance'....I feel so tired....Oh well apart from this depressing stuff news is that Mira Nair is going to make 'Shantaram'...yahooooooo!!!!...And the cherry on the cake is that none other than Johnny Depp will be playing the character of Shantaram in the movie......I cant wait for the movie...I know it is still on paper ...And I cant imagine Amitabh in the role of Kader Bhai, but nevertheless this is one movie I wont miss....

Walking Down Memory Lane.......

I visted my college yesterday after a very long time......Was in retrospect..The first day of my college is still fresh in my mind...My school life was average, not very interesting ...I can't identify with those people who always keep saying that 'We miss our good ol school days,' coz I really dont miss my school days...After finishing with my 10th ICSE Board exams I had made a vow to myself that I wd begin my life fresh ...'A New Begining' I decided to call it, where I wd leave all the memories of my school behind...It wd be another me someone I hadnt yet discovered....I remeber filling in the centralization form and I recall that the three colleges that came on my list were Wadias, Fergusson and Mira's ...The three most reputed ones in town and boy was I excited ..I was very eager to join Fergusson...Had it all planned in my mind...What did I know then that destiny had something else in store for me.....Well I wasn't allowed to take admission in either of the three colleges for reasons that didnt make any sense to me at that time...I had a huge fight with my dad and before I knew it I had landed in Abeda Inamdar College for Girls...The name itself seemed so obnoxious....I was wondering how the hell wd I tell anybody the name of my college...It sounded so loathsome...I decided I wd just call it AI College....The first day my dad dropped me to college...hahaha... I recollect the moment I entered my class...The first words I said were ''Oh No!!!''...The class was crammed with girls..Each bench had three girls squeeezd in it......All of them were looking at my face...I wanted to run away..As it is I cdnt see any seat where I cd sit ..It was so full, almost bursting....The peon found a bench where only two girls were sitting ..He made them shift and asked me to sit in that minuscule space the girls had willingly created for me....I hated it all...'What the hell am I doing in this place?' were the only words that were revolving in and out of my brain....The girl right next to me was completely indifferent...I tried to talk to her, thought maybe if I made friends the place wd seem bearable, but she didnt seem at all interested in me....hehehe.... I told myself 'GREAT!!!' What a college and what great girls!!!.....The girl sitting next to my partner however seemed extremely eager to talk to me and I thought to myself, ' What a loser!!!'.... hahahaha...The same girl is my best friend today...Tarannum I love u...hehehe...Somehow the day finished and I realised that almost all the girls in my class came from obscure backgrounds...Me and two others only belonged to very reputed schools....My name even was different from the usual names so they all thought that I was a mixed breed in the sense that it was assumed that my parents belonged to two different religions....hahaha....and the accent that I had acquired being from a convent made most think that I am a foreigner..hehehe....Well my dad came to pick me up and he saw the expresssion on my face ...He laughed out loud...And so began my journey of 7 years with the instituiton 'Abeda Inamdar College'....And before I realized I had become an integral part of AI and it had become an integral part of me...I became me in this place...The person I had been searching for in me came out in her pristine glory in this place....Even now when I enter the gates I get the feeling of having come home...It is where I have my own identity...It is where I have my friends who are my lifeline...It is where I have had the experiences of a lifetime...It is where I have lived my life....Laughed, Cried, Played, Won, Lost and sometimes Just did nothing...I can never be able to thank the almighty enough for those beautiful seven years of my life that have made my life worth living.....All the confidence, the style, the penache', the attitude I have today is what I have developed in AI....We ruled the place.....hahaha

I wish life cd be rewinded.....How times change.....The interact club, the PD courses, the excursions and ofcourse the canteen....The fights, the secrets, the gossip...the huge dreams..We used to sit after college hours for hours together talking abt the society and how we wd contribute to it......I miss all of it..... I miss every moment... I miss being me.....One has to face a lot of things in life that one doesnt deserve and it changes the person as well as the perspective completely....Ony if time had ceased....That is why I believe in living every moment the way it is...One shdnt have any regrets of not having enjoyed the moments whether good or bad...

2007...

Its already the sixth day of 2007 and I still hav'nt posted an article!!!!!! Well better late than never....Life has been the same...New year began the same boring 'traditional' way..I hope this New Year brings lots of happiness with it...2006 was in fact a very eventful year...I experienced so much that now I do really feel a year old in the true sense of the word...I have in 2006 grown up in many aspects....But for once I know what my stand is and believe me I am going to stand by it...Sounds vague I know...Oh! and by the ways I do have a New Year Resolution and I am keeping it and I will keep it throughout the year... It is one major challenge for me....Whatever it is I pray that this year all my dreams and wishes come true and that I am able to grow in a more pleasingly beautiful way...I do feel very bad having lost a lot of things that genuinely meant a lot to me in 2006....but I guess tht's part of the game....And I am a player...Anyways as this year begins I want to thank all the special people who touched my life with their concern and made my life more meaningful..Thank you for your contribution to my life. May god continue to give you abundant happiness in the new year. May this new year open the doors for all ur hopes and dreams making them enter into a world of beautiful reality and making ur life and mine a 'picture perfect' example of happiness experienced....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

How Unfair Can People Get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

''HELP, HELP!!!''

What the hell was I thinking... that people are going to come and kiss my feet....or that they are goin to appreciate my work ...that they are going to put a garland of roses around my neck or crown me .......I was a fool to think that the world is good...I was a fool to think that people love me...I was a fool to think that I could trust that I could rely....I was nothing but a big FOOL. I cant express how hurting it is when all ur dreams are shattered...I cant express how painful it is when you dont get the happiness u deserve....when ur rights are not gven to u when all u have got to do is wait with this hopeless hope that maybe things will get right....I empathize with all those who have gone through similar feelings due to different reasons of course..I realize the pain and I am now able to connect better with hurt...Somehow things have made me so hard...somehow things have made me that which I didnt want to be...I regret ....I regert a lot of things ....but then I have the sense now to undersatnd that this is what life is for ME....This isnt pessimism....It is a new optimistic out look...It is a new 'I dont care ' attitude...It is just the way it is....I have grown....grown coz now I am capable of laughing at myself... hahaha.....I blame only myself for all that I have been through...only I am responsible...I had chances of taking different stances but I chose to be good, understanding, supportive, helping...Because all this while I was thinking that one is not known by his/her capabilties but by the choices one makes....This trend of thought suits the religious, moral,or rather the bookish world ..The people that I live among are very hard and demoralistic(if any such word exists).....Nobody here is bothered abt what one has chosen ..I dont think it is noticed even....Let me put in a saying...''Kaam Ke Liye Gadhe Ko Bhi Baap Banana Padta Hai''...Which means tht if anyone has any kind of advantage then one is capable of accepting even the donkey as a father......As soon as the needs are over the poor donkey is kicked and beaten...Can any of the animal rights activists help me out here???....hahaha.....

Whtever happens I can't lose my 'Sense Of Humour'...It is something that stays with me through thick and thin...My loyal and trustworthy partner...Partner in all times especially the difficult ones...hahaha....

Thought Of The Month

Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back. "You can go," said the Lieutenant," but don't think it will be worth it. Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away."The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway. Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench. The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend."I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded." "It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier."What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead.""Yes Sir," the soldier answered,"but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say.... "John...I knew you'd come." *********************************************************Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it. Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........

Gimme A Break....

Again ended a painfully exhausting day.....Am i fed up or what....Allah plz gimme a break...Ii desperately need one...The only pleasant thing that happened to me today was that in the morning a fruit vendor came to the society and my mil asked to buy a papaya from him ...Now I am new in the colony and Iknow no one....The house in front of which the vendor was standing was totally alien to me and so were its inhabitants.....However the maid of the house was standing outside with a baby in her arms who was crying for some reason..As soon as the baby saw me she started smiling which surprised the maid tremendously...The baby opened her arms and tried to leap out of the maid's arms to come to me....This was terribly shockin for the maid as , accd to what the maid told me, the baby never accepted strangers , she never responded when anyone tried to take her or hold her...she was rigid and unfriendly...but she responded immediately to me....I took her in my arms and played with her...but I had to leave her fast coz my mil was waiting in the house and I had other important chores to finish so I returned the baby to the maid and as soon as I started walking away the baby started wailing and was againg trying to leap out of the maid's hands to come to me....I didnt look back though...I didnt have the heart to let her cry but I had no choice..I had to move on...However the maid told me that the the baby and I had a connection something to do with our previous lives ''pichle janam ka saath''...well whatever it was it did lighten my heart...Atleast someone valued my presence , my being....I was important for some one even though it was for just a moment...I shall cherish it....

COOKING???

Am i a bad cook or what??? i mean today my fil actually yelled at me for cooking bad food....what do I do now...cooking requires patience and peace of mind both of which my current situations are not permitting me to have....I have to rush through things from morning till night..it isnt an easy job to look after a sick person and that too such a stubborn person...and I have to manage a child even...wht does everyone think..is this some kind of childs play...I try my best to cook properly in the given amount of time and listening to continuous taunts at the same time....man am I upset or what...I hate everybody....Allah plz get me out of this plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....I can stand no more....I am losing out...plz help me....