How Unfair Can People Get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

''HELP, HELP!!!''

What the hell was I thinking... that people are going to come and kiss my feet....or that they are goin to appreciate my work ...that they are going to put a garland of roses around my neck or crown me .......I was a fool to think that the world is good...I was a fool to think that people love me...I was a fool to think that I could trust that I could rely....I was nothing but a big FOOL. I cant express how hurting it is when all ur dreams are shattered...I cant express how painful it is when you dont get the happiness u deserve....when ur rights are not gven to u when all u have got to do is wait with this hopeless hope that maybe things will get right....I empathize with all those who have gone through similar feelings due to different reasons of course..I realize the pain and I am now able to connect better with hurt...Somehow things have made me so hard...somehow things have made me that which I didnt want to be...I regret ....I regert a lot of things ....but then I have the sense now to undersatnd that this is what life is for ME....This isnt pessimism....It is a new optimistic out look...It is a new 'I dont care ' attitude...It is just the way it is....I have grown....grown coz now I am capable of laughing at myself... hahaha.....I blame only myself for all that I have been through...only I am responsible...I had chances of taking different stances but I chose to be good, understanding, supportive, helping...Because all this while I was thinking that one is not known by his/her capabilties but by the choices one makes....This trend of thought suits the religious, moral,or rather the bookish world ..The people that I live among are very hard and demoralistic(if any such word exists).....Nobody here is bothered abt what one has chosen ..I dont think it is noticed even....Let me put in a saying...''Kaam Ke Liye Gadhe Ko Bhi Baap Banana Padta Hai''...Which means tht if anyone has any kind of advantage then one is capable of accepting even the donkey as a father......As soon as the needs are over the poor donkey is kicked and beaten...Can any of the animal rights activists help me out here???....hahaha.....

Whtever happens I can't lose my 'Sense Of Humour'...It is something that stays with me through thick and thin...My loyal and trustworthy partner...Partner in all times especially the difficult ones...hahaha....

Thought Of The Month

Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back. "You can go," said the Lieutenant," but don't think it will be worth it. Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away."The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway. Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench. The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend."I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded." "It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier."What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead.""Yes Sir," the soldier answered,"but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say.... "John...I knew you'd come." *********************************************************Many times in life, whether a thing is worth doing or not, really depends on how u look at it. Take up all your courage and do something your heart tells you to do so that you may not regret not doing it later in your life........

Gimme A Break....

Again ended a painfully exhausting day.....Am i fed up or what....Allah plz gimme a break...Ii desperately need one...The only pleasant thing that happened to me today was that in the morning a fruit vendor came to the society and my mil asked to buy a papaya from him ...Now I am new in the colony and Iknow no one....The house in front of which the vendor was standing was totally alien to me and so were its inhabitants.....However the maid of the house was standing outside with a baby in her arms who was crying for some reason..As soon as the baby saw me she started smiling which surprised the maid tremendously...The baby opened her arms and tried to leap out of the maid's arms to come to me....This was terribly shockin for the maid as , accd to what the maid told me, the baby never accepted strangers , she never responded when anyone tried to take her or hold her...she was rigid and unfriendly...but she responded immediately to me....I took her in my arms and played with her...but I had to leave her fast coz my mil was waiting in the house and I had other important chores to finish so I returned the baby to the maid and as soon as I started walking away the baby started wailing and was againg trying to leap out of the maid's hands to come to me....I didnt look back though...I didnt have the heart to let her cry but I had no choice..I had to move on...However the maid told me that the the baby and I had a connection something to do with our previous lives ''pichle janam ka saath''...well whatever it was it did lighten my heart...Atleast someone valued my presence , my being....I was important for some one even though it was for just a moment...I shall cherish it....

COOKING???

Am i a bad cook or what??? i mean today my fil actually yelled at me for cooking bad food....what do I do now...cooking requires patience and peace of mind both of which my current situations are not permitting me to have....I have to rush through things from morning till night..it isnt an easy job to look after a sick person and that too such a stubborn person...and I have to manage a child even...wht does everyone think..is this some kind of childs play...I try my best to cook properly in the given amount of time and listening to continuous taunts at the same time....man am I upset or what...I hate everybody....Allah plz get me out of this plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....I can stand no more....I am losing out...plz help me....

Beseeeeeeeeeech!

Its been ages since I last posted on my blog. I just havnt had the time.
Life since then has been moving in leaps and bounds and now suddenly seems to have come to a standstill. I wish time would fly and these bad circumstances would just pass by with the wind.I had prayed in my last post to let my happiness remain ..guess allah had something else in mind for me. Time has taught me so much that now i seem to be numb and feelingless, yet somewhere there is hope. I cant believe that I am seeing so much at such a young age. I cant believe that I am shouldering so many responsibilities at one time. I am amazed at myself. I guess when allah decided to allot me the tests he mercifully gave me the strength even. But there are some weak moments when I lose out completely and the unfairness of the whole situation bites hard into my heart. I want to wail loudly and ask allah 'Why Me?' Dont I have the right to happiness? Everybody around me is happy, then why am i being subjected to so much pain at one time? Plz give me only that much which I can take. Rest I cannot tolerate. Then I realize that there are people in worse situations and what it actually means to fight in life. I realize my ungratefullness towards the almighty and I beg him to forgive me. Whtever condition he has and is keeping me in is not only increasing my patience but also making me a better person. However i do lash out at one person and become desperately impatient with my parents for which i am extremely sorry but i know that it is only you guys who will understand wht i am going through...thank you for bearing with me. May allah fulfill all ur duaas and may he always shower his blessings on u and may he always give u the patience to help and encourage me and understand me and may he always be there with u and me and guide us towards the right path and may he relieve me of these ugly sitautions and bring the happiness back into my life. Ameen.

I Am Sooooooo Happy!!!

I cant believe that life can be so beautiful and satisfying. Its like i have been waiting for ages for this moment, for this happiness and finally it is here, Alhamdulillah. I dont have words to describe the new zeal and vigour that my life is experiencing. Everything seems possible now, every task seems easy and within reach. I love this feeling and inshaallah it will stay this way for ever. I am all smiles and believe it or not i am looking much more pretty, Mashaallah. hehehehe.I just want to beg the almighty to let this remain the way it is.

What is Love???oooooaaoooaooaaooaa!!!

So I am back but i dont want to continue with the same topic.Lets talk abt something else. Have you ever wondered what love is? Well i dont know myself...but it definitely is something..hhhhmmmm this topic is boring meeeeeee...well i shall write about my students....i really love them... all of them ...my class is the most happiest thing in my life right now...i enjoy it so much ...i love the rapport that i share with them..its excellent....they respect me and at the same time they are so free with me...i try to be as cool as i can with them but at the same time it is very necessary for me to maintain my stand as a teacher....it is my responsibilty to make them the right people...well it isnt entirely in my hands but i do and will have a contribution in their personality...amazingly i have got TYBcom and BCA now too to teach and i am too happy...i know that TYBcom is going to be damn boring but nevertheless i shall contribute to its success...i really love this feeling of euphoria that comes to me when i think of my class my students ...i guess this is what love is...no this is what happiness is ..love is ...it is ...its different....its what i would feel for someone who makes my life complete....it is about me thinking about that person every single second of my life till i fall asleep and even after that in my dreams..it is about me going through all the pains kepping in mind that someone will be happy....it is knowing that i care sooooo much about someone like i never cared for any one else...its a feeling that gives me solace during my deepest depressions....it is a feeling that gives me strength during my weakest moment....it is a feeling that adds to my joy during my happiest moment whether someone is there with me or not... it is a feeling that makes me wait and wait and wait and wait for those most precious moments of my love with which i carry myself ahead despite all odds...this is love....and its beautiful even with all its catches and conditions... love is life and i love life.

Independence Day.

Today we celebrate the 59th anniversary of our Independence. Independence from the British Raj. Numerous freedom fighters died for the country some whose names are wriiten in golden words in history and many who are unkown...lost in the darkness of anonymity. Sitting here i really dont feel the importance of freedom , maybe because i have known it since i was born.But i do empathize with what the people must be feeling when their freedom was curbed for two hundred years. Somehow, in this fast paced life full of tensions and responsibilties we just lose out on enjoying this wonderful feeling of being free. I guess we take it too much for granted. Arent we actually wasting that, for which innumerable people lost their lives. How many of us are actually patriotic? What is patriotism? Are we using our freedom in its true sense?
Media the most powerful weapon, to express the public view,to express opinoins, to project the whole truth......isnt it being manipulated thoroughly, by i dont know who, but doesnt this mean that the true spirit of freedom is being betrayed? Still oblivious to all this we the general public celebrate this day with the utmost dhoom . At every nook and corner patriotic songs are blaring form huge speakers which are such a stark contrast to the amount of corruption that is rising by the second and blaring its ugly self every now and then. I bet the freedom fighters above die a painful death every second when they see for what cause they gave their lives. I want to coninue but right now my mind and thoughts arent really flowing with my mood so i shall continue.....

Its Soooooo......

Man am i angry or what??? I hate this world. No, actually i dont hate the world i hate some of the people in it. I never 'hated' anyone as such till now ..but now i realize wht people mean when they say i HATE this or that..it is a feeling of utter despise, of total disgust, of detestation,of complete loathing...i didnt know, till now, i could feel all this for anybody for that matter..allah i want to rid my system of all these feelings but its like whenever i think i will give people another chance they just get another chance to prove themselves capable of falling one more step lower. W hy do i have to face so much injustice? I dont understand what great a sin have i done to deserve this.. i am not that bad a person..i see my self shatter each goddam day and it takes every ounce of courage to gather myself together and continue. If only i knew i wd have to face all this much earlier in life then what a different scene it would have been. I really wonder at the creation of the almighty..i mean i have seen all sorts of people, no one is perfect , we are all shades of gray..but there are people who are WORST. There is no hope for them to improve no hope for them to be not so malicious....i dont have words to describe the malevolence of such people...oh i wish i could do something to improve my situation..infact all this frustration makes me hurt those whom i really love and care about ..it makes me yell at those who mean the most to me..instead of getting back at the those who hurt me and are unfair to me i land up hurting those who care for me..why is it that our anger is diverted towards those whom we love deeply..i wish i could get an answer to that...but whenever i hurt those who love me i hurt my self the most eventually coz the pain i have caused them does not let me live peacefully ..its like i die every moment thinking abt how i hurt them ...hurting them is equivalent to cutting a wound in my heart..oh god does it pain or what??? Its anguish,its torture, its agony,its a continuous sting in the heart....i just want to say to all those caring people in my life whether they read this or not..i am sorry ..i really am..i wish i cd go back and change things but i know i cant and i know that all of u will understand and be with me and encourage me throughout my life to live on and move ahead...

EUREKA!!!

Thomas Alva Edison said, ''Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.'' But where does one look for that spark of inspiration in a life groaning under humdrum routine? Or does inspiration come on its own , choosing its own time and place (like ... a bath tub for archimedes who yelled ' Eureka' {i have found it} and ran out naked when he discovered a way to determine the purity of gold by applying the principle of specific gravity.
One has to look for inspiration with conscious effort. And ,what better place to look for inspiration than within 'inspiring words'. Didn't somebody say, ''The power of thought can move mountains!''

Maths....ewwwwwwww!!!

I totally identify with the hung guy. I hated maths in school and thoroughly despised my maths teacher. Sorry Mrs. Varghese, but i feel really good after declaring this.

Why Does The World Need Superman?

Good question. Well i just saw superman in a local multiplex and believe me the movie was 'heroic' obviously coz it had our 'superhero'. This particular question was typed by Louis {superman's girlfriend} almost during the end of the movie, she aimed at writing an article dealing with the question, however she didnt and left the question as it is, so i took up the noble cause of answering her question. The question says: why does the world need superman?;I could answer it in a number of ways. To begin with and as would be very conventional; the world needs Superman to save it from war between countries, to end dirty politics, to save the environment, to bring about world peace, to save mankind during any crisis, to help the needy, to bring about equality, blah blah blah blah!!! However i have an alternate answer, which would be very individual in nature rather than being common. We all need superman within us, it gives a major boost to our morales to our ways of thinking etc. I mean who wdnt want to be like superman, who wdnt want to fly like he does, soar highhhhhhhhh through the clouds, it is indeed a great way to destress. Who wdnt want to be popular, who wdnt want to get the great feeling and all the recognition like he gets when he saves the day for all, who wdnt want to be strong and sooo goodlooking. We all have a superman in us, he may be unconscious and laid back ususally but when he awakens he turns us into a superhero in our own small way. It may seem that we are not doing anything great, we arent saving the world but we are contributing in some way or the other by fighting daily, facing bravely our circumstances, compromising, sacrificing and moving on. I believe it wd have been difficult for superman even had he been a normal human, i would like to quote; ''daal aate ka bhav pata chalta.'' To save the world is indeed a very big thing and i am not criticising superman, i am only saying that we too can contribute, by thinking, planning and putting into action all our ideal thoughts to make the world a better place to live in and we could start by bringing about a change in our own lives. After all charity begins at home.

So I am Chinese....YUMMM!!!

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary.People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Helpless..

I had gone to mainstreet today with my mil. Mainstreet is one of the main roads in the Pune city always crowded, full of activity and hustle bustle. So we were passing the renowned Marzorin , and outside there was this beggar in just one tattered shawl. Well, there is usually a gang of beggars beseeching for alms in that particular vicinity, but this beggar was unlike the rest. He was an old, frail, enervated, shaky man. He was pleading each and every passerby to help him but nobody turned back to give him a second glance. There were people dressed smartly in trendy garments displaying youth and vivacity. This presented such a stark contrast to the old beggar. What affected me the most however was the fact that he was crying. He was so helpless, deprived and desperately in need, but nobody had the heart or the patience or the time to stop, give him a penny and move on. I was one of the nobody. I cdnt help him coz at that time i didnt have any money on me. My heart loathed me. I identified with his helplessness. So many times i have felt the same,vulnerable, feeble, clueless and unhappy, begging for help, for love, for concern. The only difference was that i knew that i have my family and friends to support me, whereas he didnt have anyone to look upto for love. I wish i could have helped him but sometimes you have just got to leave it on Allah.

Lost!!!

I really speculate at the way i live my own life. I mean i know that this is not what i want or that this is not what i do or that i dont want it like that or whatever but i land up doing just that and then i land up stuck and lost in life. It makes me miserable and ill and i suffer from low self esteem, i am stressed and then i dont even get sleep. I wish i knew how to sort this out. Maybe the answer is very simple but i guess i do not have the eyes to see it. I am sounding so pessimistic but that's exactly how i feel. On an optimistic note this is like an adventure . I am learning from this , how to tackle the crisis in life. Coz life is never goin to be simple and i would anyways sit and complain if life was'nt challenging enough. So i dont think there's any point in writing all this but nevertheless ,since i have already written i shall let it be.

A Belief.

Life is a Rope that Swings us through Hope, Always believe today is much better than Yesterday and tomorrow will be Best than Today! Life gives Answers in Three ways, It says YES and gives whatever u Want,It says NO and gives u something Better, It says Wait and gives u the Best~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Don't just Dream. Live your Dream.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Ans-'Claustrophobic.' Hehehehehe.....

After Some Time...

So after a series of conflicts of the mind, heart and soul i am back again writing on my blog. Well my first day of work was a real experience, not that i have a lack of experiences, but this was a different one. When i entered the building {the place where i shall be working} i became me, the real me, i mean it was only my true identity, i was not playing any other role, just myself. I totally forgot where i have come from, where i have to go...it was just the present...a very new feeling, unsullied, and genuine. Well, i was standing in the balcony on the third floor which was giving me a crystal clear view of the magnificient V.M.Gany Sports Complex. It was looking lush green,unsoiled spotless. The sprinklers were doing their job and the sight was beggaring description. The sky was cerulean. I was enjoying the vista, when i heard sounds resembling the chirping of birds. And then suddenly from beneath the canopy of trees came a group of girls in blue uniform running wildly. They had to touch the wall and go back. They resembled a flock of birds wild, happy and free. It was a delightful scene. I comprehended the veracity of happiness in those 5 seconds, and i deciphered the meaning of life. One girl fell, she was trampled over by the others who wanted to touch the wall and come first, some were shocked and just stood there staring, a few bent down to help her up. Well.... isnt this what life is all about in a nutshell?

Rickshawalaaaaaaaassss!!!!!

I walk down the stinking road opposite the college gate and reach the Rickshaw stand. ''Khaali hai?'' The rickshawala asks me,''kidhar jaane ka?'' I reply, ''Rasta peth.'' He tells me,'' aage poocho khali nahi hai,'' despite the rickshaw being totally empty. Now comeon guys get a grip. I think i should do a research on the psychology of these rickshawalas. Tarannum, hats off to you babes for showing that rickshawala good. Thankfully all can't see the reallyyyyyyy loutish way and hear the abusive language my MIL uses when a rickshawala denies to take her to her destination. Now with the hike in the prices of petrol the rickshaw meter is going to increase and so is the 'bhav' of these rickshawalas. Well we shall just wait and watch then. Till then i'll have to do the same thing, put out my hand and scream,''rickshaw!!!!!!!''

Love Is In The Air

I saw fanaa. I think it is a very romantic movie. Its amazing how the actors display the emotion of love. I could actually feel the sensation and passion each time Aamir and Kajol....u know..dot dot dot..... Aamir is sooooooo cute. The people of Gujrat are indeed missing something. Cant life be like the one shown in movies or like the one written in Mills and Boons. Life seems so damn hard in reality. But the sentiment of love in movies can never match the one in real life. Love in real life is a very different attitude. It is all about compromise and the like. It is about surrendering urself ur respect and aspirations and all for the person u love. It is about being unconditional. Well, i wouldn't mind having a little adventure in my love life. It peppers up the whole experience. I hope the concerned get the hint. WINK. Hey mifrah, wht do u think about this babes? U know Mifrah, i get totally 'lost' when Aamir khan speaks in the movie...''Tere ishq mein meri jaan fanaa ho jaye..''ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For My Friends.

Hey Anisa and Miffy this one is for u guys. Thanx for everything. I looooooooooove u.

What A Relief!!!!!

Thank god, i went to college. It indeed was a great relief. Finally i see some prospects of a job. I had a heart to heart talk with my friend. So much of my confusion cleared away. It is indeed a blessing to have friends who care and understand. It is so true, the saying, that 'you are not known by your capabilities but by the choices you make.' We are faced daily by choices, one right and the other wrong. It depends on our maturity and understanding which one we choose. The supposedly right choices are indeed difficult to make. But sometimes you just have got to let things be. You cant afford to make everyone happy coz not all are going to be happy anyways. There are some who are just not satisfied whatever you do. And i totally despise people who dont have the sense to talk. I mean there are certain ways of getting your things done, there are certain ways of speaking. Hasn't everyone heard about the politeness principles? I wish people would start talking properly to me, i wish they would start taking me seriously, i wish all would stop taking me for granted. I am NOT a good for nothing person. All my talents and virtues are going waste. Guess its time for me to make the choice. Hey anisa,thanx babes i owe u one.

OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I came back yesterday from that godforsaken raviwar peth(i dont know why i went there in the first place , but anyways i had no choice). I laid down on my bed with all those horrible things ravaging my brain, somehow i tried to push them all aside and fall asleep and i did so successfully when at around 12.35 my cell rang. I was still in my sleep and was wondering why the hell is the alarm ringing now when i had timed it for 6.00 in the morning but then i realized it was a fone call. Very sleepily i answered 'halloooo'' and then what i heard totally rattled my nerves. Why does this happen to me? As is obvious all my sleep vanished and try as much as i could i didnt get it back. I told myself ''u cant do anything now its past midnight try and sleep...'' I concentrated hard and pushed those ugly thoughts aside, fell asleep but it was accompanied with a series of nightmares. I got up in the morning tired hopeless disturbed sick......... So now i have to face the world. I tell myself,''get ready u have to do this.'' And here i am writting this article trying to relive myself a little. Oh god please help me. Please give me the strength to endure this.

Moment of Discovery

I was sitting in the parking lot of a building in the afternoon and watching the rain drizzle coolly on the panoramic landscape. It looked very serene and tranquil but unfortunately my mind was not at peace, i mean there was so much running inside my brain. I recalled the moment when i was in college one day waiting for my friends to come, it was a hot but windy afternoon and my mind was so much composed and unflustered. I had really enjoyed those 15 minutes sipping lemon juice under the shade of the banyan tree. So much of our emotions depend on the state of our mind. I wish i could prolong those 15 minutes into a lifetime. Very rarely do i find myself unpreturbed. I really miss those carefree days. I miss myself my true self, somewhere in this rush i have just lost me. I do retrieve some traits of myself but then that is very uncommon. Change however is inevitable and well things happen for the best, if i take it all in a positive way. But then how postive can i be. Things do get weary. Well we will just wait and watch then.

THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE'S MIND

''TO ERR IS HUMAN,TO FORGIVE IS NOT MY POLICY.''

Jheengar ki jhai jhai...

The pest control guy had come home today. Its indeed wonderful to see the new, less painstaking and odourfree methods of getting rid of cockroaches. Keep up the good work. Cockroaches better watch out! By the ways isnt that a great pose?

Words Of Wisdom

I went to city bakery today and there i saw this blackboard placed on a table in the corner and on it were written these words of wisdom,''Marry not the one who you want to live with but the one who you cannot live without..you will be sorry anyways.'' Makes sense.

Its TIME.....

Hey Mifrah its time we stopped procrastinating...

ATTITUDES !!!!!!!!!!!

It really sucks when people show major attitudes. I dont understand why does anyone need to show how very important they are and that the world cannot exist without them, oh god!!!!! Why the hell do i have to face so much attitude. Let me qoute, 'mere jaisi beti behen bahu biwi aur saas kahi bhi nahi milegi. Mere se achchi koi nahi duniyaa me ....dhoond ke batao.'' GROCE!!!! Doesn't this mean that the person is living in a very false world of one's own ideas. What about how u project urself to others ? There is too much i want to write about this but certain things are restraining me. Perhaps i can't put into words how disgusted i feel.YUK.

To The Mumbai Nagariya.

This is 'aamchi mumbai''. Mumbai was lashed with severe rains last year but the spirit of the people in mumbai helped them out of all blues. That's what's commendable among the 'mumbaiyaas', their true and free spirit. This year even the rains have started early and are already rising in their fury, but so what, the spirit will save the day. ''Shola hai yaa hai bijuriya,dil ki bajariyaa mumbai nagariyaa.''

Come Rain

'Ye re ye re pausa tula deto paisa paisa jhala khota paus jhala mota,' this is a very popular saying in the marathi language. It is like an invitation for the rains to come. It has started pouring here in Pune. The climate is so pleasant after a hot and sultry summer, but iam just not in the mood for it. The irony of life, i guess. Anyways the monsoons have arrived, so there wont be any sun now for some time. I miss it, the sun. It does really represent life and light. The sunrays in the picture are so symbolic. It is the setting sun casting its rays on a wet night sky. I think it looks so enlightening. Oh! i so want to enjoy the rains.......

People's Play

I really wonder at the different outlooks and attitudes that people have. How did the almighty manage to create such a vast variety? Here, in India itself one will find an amalgamation of such diverse cultures and ways of living. And there is still so much more difference in the cultures in the rest of the world. It is indeed very amazing to find so much multiplicity in the thought process of one species. But then again there would'nt be any progress if everyone thought alike. I am aware though that the almighty created humans for a specific reason, that, which i am still in the process of discovering. Nevertheless, we humans follow one culture and that is HUMANITY. This is what keeps us united. Indeed there are certain agents that are 'anti' in nature towards this common culture, but then it is a convention in all cultures, orelse we would'nt have 'bad' people.

Get Set GO!!!!!

Well, i finally got started,thanx mifffy, u inspired me, i really love u. As of now my brain is really clogged so i can't pour out any good stuff but i will do it soon, inshaallah.